its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
