There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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