Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
