Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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