remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
