i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
