I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
