The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
