Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
why is half of my head shaved?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
