Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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