Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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