So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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