Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
