I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
where are my eyebrows?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
