i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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