dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize