The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
