I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I look better un-naked...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this will be a night to untag.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
