I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
