She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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