I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
