go do what you do best...puke behind churches
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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