i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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