just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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