I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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