During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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