U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
