Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
