maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
