She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize