go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
