i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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