Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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