I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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