"it" just moved
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
