the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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