Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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