even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
