I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
