I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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