is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
