Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
