my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
