Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
