Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is Oprah even human
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
