thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
