There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
