i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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