Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
