I'm laying in your front yard are you home
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize