so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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