I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
