my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
