It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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