Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
