why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina just clenched in fear
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
