The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
