remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
