one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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