I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
