this beer tastes like vomit already
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
