drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
