life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This girl is more easily done than said...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
