Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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