I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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