He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
