I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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