On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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