Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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