i just had sex bonerless
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
