I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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