youre lurking in front of me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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