I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
