No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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