How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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