so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
