I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize