I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
