I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
