I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
