WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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