porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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