WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
