We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize