I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
