I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
