I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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