tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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